By: Rich Wargo

Dear Comrade: How is that Communism thing working out for you folks? What's that? You gave up on it? Why? Obviously, you Russkies didn't sacrifice enough to the honest, caring, hard-working leaders of the glorious "Worker's Paradise". Ain't been the same since Владимир Ильич Ленин and then Иосиф Виссарионович Сталин were running the show. First it was that totally forgettable Гео́ргий Максимилиа́нович Маленко́в, then the whining shoe-pounder Никита Сергеевич Хрущёв, then that group of senile old perverts, Леони́д Ильи́ч Бре́жнев, Алексе́й Никола́евич Косы́гин, and Анаста́с Ива́нович Микоя́н . Then Леони́д Ильи́ч Бре́жнев by himself, although being led by one senile old pervert really isn't better than being led by three of 'em. Ю́рий Влади́мирович Андро́пов and Константин Устинович Черненко were the next two, although neither lasted long enough to change their underwear. Finally Михаил Сергеевич Горбачёв, who, as the only one who actually opened his eyes and saw what had happened, decided that Marxo-Lenino-Stalino-Bolshevism was a total crock of bearshit and decided to move to Jamaica and become a beachcomber. Russian freedom fighters? That's a laugh. Obviously, Comrade, you must have been educated in Soviet Russia to have such quaint, antediluvian, congenitally wrong ideas.